edit

THE HAIRCUT

Posted by Erik Frey Sat, 24 May 2003 05:30:00 GMT

i wonder if this is common.

“name?”

“erik,”

“haircut?”

“yep”

“follow me”

i sit down in the chair, put on my hair-bib, and a cute young girl studies me for a moment while spritzing away at my head.

she addresses me in that friendly hairdresser fashion – “so, how old are you?”

“i just turned 23”

“wow… 23 huh? i’m a year younger than you! so, are you married? girlfriend?”

“well, i, err… not really…”

and then she pulls out a giant razor. the flip-open style that barbers used back in the day to shave their clients.

“just a trim? i’ll take an inch off”

“sounds good!”

she leans forward in an overly-comfortable way, one breast firmly nestled in the crook of my elbow… runs her hand into my hair, lifts it up an inch, and brings the razor down with a WHACK.

hair gone!

and off she goes, telling me stories about her two kids and her dead-beat husband, interspersing her words with tugs and quick-wristed whacks with the razor.

“so you know what my husband said? WHACK “

“what did he say?”

“he told me he didn’t want me dancing WHACK WHACK at this club with my cousin, WHACK you know the WHACK one in espanola? and i was like WHACK what’s the big deal? WHACK it’s not like i’m doing anything WHACK WHACK WHACK WROOOONG, you know?”

i look up and say “yeah really…”, all the while carefully eyeing the razor blade carving chunks from my hair.

“over the ears?”

for a moment i wonder if a razor blade is sharp enough to lop off someone’s ear-lobe.

“yeah, uh, just…”

“oh don’t worry, i got it!”, and thank god, she pulls out the scissors for that part.

a few stories later about her kids, peppered with comments on how smart i am to have not gotten married yet, and that she wishes she hadn’t gotten married… the haircut is over.

“here, take a look at the back of your head in my PSYCHO mirror!”

she hands me a mirror, and i hold it up to see behind me, what looks like a surprisingly even hair-line along my neck.

she smiles at me, “see it’s PSYCHO because i put this sticker on it”, and she turns it around in my hands, and sure enough a giant pink hot-topic sticker adorns the back, proudly affirming the mirror’s PSYCHO status.

“well there you are…” i smile back.